Sunday, March 28, 2004

I feel like I hit the nail on the head!

I conclude that I have a reoccuring conflict of thought in my head because I have different people living inside me. Like those Tom and Jerry cartoons. Tom is about to kill Jerry when the good alter ego with the halo advices him to act against nature. And then the evil alter ego asks him to be himself. And still, somehow Jerry lives on to star in another movie.

My existance, like everyone else's, is influenced by too many external forces that constantly give shape to my life. These forces constantly test and sometimes change what I believe in. And perhaps every external force gives birth to a new alter ego. So much so that for every hypothetical action, I seem to have several reactions, each one resulting from a different personality in me.

For me, these external forces are

1) My interaction with the people around me

2) What I aspire to be in life.

Every aspiration and every social interaction of reasonable impact gives birth to a new me. So much so that I am no longer singular. I am several people living in one body.

And so caught up I am among all these people, that I don't understand who among these is truly me. How would *I* react to a situation? Forget all these alter egos and split personality situations. How would the real Hemant react to a situation?

This is about as threadbare I lay open my head. Here I am. Almost 21. I don't know who I am or what I'm here for. I always seem to know what to do. But I don't know who I really am. Not that I feel bad about it. I don't!

Does anybody feel the same way?

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