Sunday, February 27, 2005

Crsh! Bm! Bng!

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With great pleasure
And two bumps
On my forehead
I announce.

I finally perfected
The art
Of typing an SMS
While crossing the road.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

What the...

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Free.

Food.

The two most important F-words in the lives of the cash-strapped singletons like me. Singletons, who live away from home, in the student communities of Delhi like Munirka, Katwaria, Ber Sarai etc. Places, which aren?t exactly gastronomic paradises.

It?s even more fun when ?free? is an adjective defining the food.

No, we?re not going to discuss any other F-words here.

Friday, February 25, 2005

Observation

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It was carnage. Absolutely carnage.

You should have seen how those journalists went for the buffet after a press conference.

I got a few pointers too. Although I never thought butting into the queue to whisk away the food would be a part of my Journalism training.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Passing Cloud

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"Maybe we're trying to simplify our lives.

Unfortunately, we use the most complicated ways to make this simplification happen."

Thud.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

I let out my mind out to wander... - Part Duh!

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When do you know that a good friendship has transgressed into the realms of hormones, feelings and love? More specifically, what are the actions that separate being in a "friendship" as understood in the conventional meaning of the word, and being in "love"?

What changes after such a transgression? Do you arrive at an agreement someday that you are no longer "just friends"?

Does it mean that you're allowed to wrap your arms around your (love interest) while watching a movie in a theatre? Does it allow you to promise yourself to each other?

If the relationship was grounded in a strong friendship anyway, why did there arise a need to wrap your arms around your (love interest) in a theatre? Weren't all these emotional insecurities being taken care of while being in the friendship?

Or was this emotional insecurity, the biggest reason for the beginning of the friendship?

What the hell am I talking about?

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Hide. Seek. Confront.

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How eloquently
And powerfully
Your eyes
Speak.

I caught them
Telling me
What the future
Holds.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Of Male Insecurity and Conniving Women

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What do blackmailers feed off?

Insecurity.

After a fair amount of observing, I conclude that most males are genetically incapable of dealing with emotional blackmail. Even more so when the blackmailer is a pretty-faced, 20-something female.

All it takes to get by the defences of these men is a 50 watt smile, puppy eyes and a prolonged "please". And I swear, it renders the man so hopelessly defenceless, he would even jump off a cliff, if asked to.

But what kind of insecurity are these men overcome with?

It is my hypothesis that the man, as an animal, would be on a constant search for the perfect mate. The search is ceaseless. The concept of conjugal commitment is crap. We're animals.

And I don't remember using 4 'c' words in the same sentence before.

When showered by the attention of a comely woman, I believe the man immediately considers his mating prospects. This is when he completely lets his guard down. The sucker punch gets delivered then.

And the female. The conniving, blackmailing female. She completely feeds off this. And she takes from the man till he can give no more. Some men try to pass off their helplessness as chivalry. But since when has chivalry become the domain of the weak?

If you read this and gun for my head, remember: you're probably that male or female I just talked about. SHAME ON YOU!

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Update

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The Disclaimer has been updated as thus:

The Neurotic One shall use this narcissistic recluse to blow his own trumpet, to question the parentage of Communists and to blast the world for what it is. Readers who do not concur, are requested to bend over and kiss his buttocks.

Readers are also strongly advised against side effects of reading Neurotica, such as strong nausea, splitting headaches, insomnia, visions of Baba Sehgal chasing you in a thong, suicidal depression, delirium, anti social behaviour, transformtion into an ugly toad, nightmares about ugly and naked fat men, STDs, Kafka dreams or brief flashes of intelligence.

If you do feel these side effects, oh well. Sue me.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Of Godzilla and Neutered Thoughts

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Godzilla had the right ideas. And it only just occurred to me. By reserving the benefits of inherent asexuality for only a few species, Mother Nature dealt us humans a tough one.

Our wise friend Godzilla didn't bother looking around for prospective mates. Otherwise, it's only one's guess what the dating scene in the giant lizards community, would have been like.

Imagine this dinner date:
Waiter: What would you like to order, sir?
Male Godzilla: I will take 2 crates of Tuna. And what about you, love?
Female Godzilla: Teeheehee. And I will take 5 freshly stomped New Yorkers.

The fish industry would be the most profitable business ever. And there would be no such thing as a population explosion. But that's not the point.

Godzilla didn?t have to care about emotional securities. Its urges must have been restricted to primal or maternal ones. Life must be so much simpler when you don?t have to consider settling down in relationships.

No feelings. No emotions. No getting rejected by prospective mates. No searching for new ones. No strings attached. Just impregnate your own self during the breeding season.

Procreation, as easy as blowing your nose.

Alas. It is the sensible ones who are despised by the hoi polloi. Like some wise man once quipped, ?The only perfect man to have walked on Earth, got crucified.?

But for inspiring me to think asexually. For neutering my thoughts. For helping me bring my attention to where it is needed. To help me concentrate on my work better. Here?s paying homage to Godzilla, my newest hero!

Err, or would that be ?heroine??

Friday, February 18, 2005

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When I start reeling under the power of your beauty, I forget what a whore you are.

Monday, February 14, 2005

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Here I go again I promised myself
I wouldn?t think of you today
It?s been seven months and counting
You?ve moved on
I still feel exactly the same

It?s just the that everywhere I go
All the buildings know your name
Like photographs and memories of love
Steel and granite reminders
The city calls your name and I can?t move on

Ever since you?ve been gone
The lights go out the same
The only difference is
You call another name
To your love
To your lover now
To your love
The lover after me

Am I all alone in the universe?
There?s no love on these streets
I have given mine away to a world
That didn?t want it anyway

So this is my new freedom
It?s funny
I don?t remember being chained
But nothing seems to make sense anymore
Without you I?m always twenty minutes late

Ever since you?ve been gone
The lights go out the same
The only difference is
You call another name
To your love
To your lover now
To your love
The lover after me

And time goes by so slowly
The nights are cold and lonely
I shouldn?t be holding on
But I?m still holding on for you

Here I go again
I promised myself I wouldn?t think of you today
But I?m standing at your doorway
I?m calling out your name because I can?t move on

Ever since you?ve been gone
The lights go out the same
The only difference is
You call another name
To your love
To your lover now
To your love
The lover after me

Friday, February 11, 2005

Passing Thoughts

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Somehow, the moment seems even more opportune when you?re trying desperately hard not to look opportunistic.

Alternatively. Life tempts you with a dangling carrot when you no longer have the motivation to run after it.

Alternatively. Opportunity knocks on your door once. Temptation bloody leans on it.

Alternatively. Life is a bitch sometimes.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Limericks

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Amity School of Communication ? The Big Picture. - The Limericks Contest.

Topic: an egg

My attempt:

Boiled eggs, they say, keep you nourished and hot
Through this cold winter, they help you a lot
So I brought a dozen for a penny
I ate 10 eggs too many
Now I?m sitting on the pot.


Cracked the one that got the maximum laughs. Still didn?t win.

Sigh.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

That Was The Week That Was

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Lab newspapers.

TV Scripts. Radio scripts.

Pleasure trip to handicraft fair in Haryana.

Biking between hostel and home.

Appearing on two TV shows on SAB TV.

Realising SAB TV sucks, hence skipping a third show hosted by Vir Sanghvi.

Dodging more comparisons of my unkempt hair with a bird?s nest.

Doing my bit to get in touch with long lost friends.

Dontlook.

Refuting more claims that I am not straight.

Shooting down more reports about me becoming a campus item.

Sorting ego-hassles and an assortment of other pangas with people. .

Trying to make sense of other strained understandings.

Wracking brains over college culfest logistics.

Cribbing. Sulking.

Learning to lose cool on command.

Learning to say ?sorry?.