Tuesday, March 30, 2004

The other day...

... Shishir happened to give me the nicest compliment I've received in a long long time.

He said if he would meet aliens and Martians anytime in his life, he would tell them he'd met one of their kind much before!

For trying this hard, it's good to be appreciated once in a while! ;-D

Monday, March 29, 2004


I just realised that I also don't understand if I have stopped being me or have become someone that is intrinsically me!

It must be a Cancerian thing, being sentimental and or feeling emotional. But I haven't been that way. So either I have stopped being me. Or have started to be truly me.

I can't decide. It will take time to find out.

In the meanwhile, I shall have the pleasure of seeing Abhinay pull more hair off his head. PAYBACK TIME! HAHAHA!

Sunday, March 28, 2004

I feel like I hit the nail on the head!

I conclude that I have a reoccuring conflict of thought in my head because I have different people living inside me. Like those Tom and Jerry cartoons. Tom is about to kill Jerry when the good alter ego with the halo advices him to act against nature. And then the evil alter ego asks him to be himself. And still, somehow Jerry lives on to star in another movie.

My existance, like everyone else's, is influenced by too many external forces that constantly give shape to my life. These forces constantly test and sometimes change what I believe in. And perhaps every external force gives birth to a new alter ego. So much so that for every hypothetical action, I seem to have several reactions, each one resulting from a different personality in me.

For me, these external forces are

1) My interaction with the people around me

2) What I aspire to be in life.

Every aspiration and every social interaction of reasonable impact gives birth to a new me. So much so that I am no longer singular. I am several people living in one body.

And so caught up I am among all these people, that I don't understand who among these is truly me. How would *I* react to a situation? Forget all these alter egos and split personality situations. How would the real Hemant react to a situation?

This is about as threadbare I lay open my head. Here I am. Almost 21. I don't know who I am or what I'm here for. I always seem to know what to do. But I don't know who I really am. Not that I feel bad about it. I don't!

Does anybody feel the same way?

Rambling on!

I can't understand if I am mad at myself for being so innocently blindfolded that I could not see basic facts or be mad at those people who hid the truth away from me, fearing it would hurt me.

I don't understand if I am happy or sad. I just know I am no longer me. And this would take time. And somehow Linkin Park always has the right ideas about me!!! :-D

Linkin Park - Faint

I can't feel the way I did before

Don't turn your back on me

I won't be ignored

Time won't heal this damage anymore

Don't turn your back on me

I won't be ignored

Brought Robbie Williams' Escapology last night. Disappointed! Disappointed! Disappointed! First pop I indulged in, in college... and it was awwwwweful. Should stick to rock.

Saturday, March 27, 2004

This and that!

I can't remember what I was like, a month ago. I can't remember what I used to do, what I used to think and what my perception of things used to be like. My identity has been bludgeoned into oblivion.

It is a strange predicament. I can't remember me anymore.

Linkin Park - Don't Stay

Forget our memories

Forget our possibilities

What you were changing me into

Just gimme myself back and

Don't stay

I need a diversion of thought. Something new to preoccupy me. A new interest or hobby. Like a guitar. Which I could play all day long. To keep myself busier. To divert my energies. To play it all day long. So much so that my fingers start to bleed.

And then, the physical pain would be greater than the mental agony. And that pain would become my new preoccupation.

It's a crazy dream!

I had a bizarre dream last night. Well, all my dreams are bizarre actually.

I saw that I was fighting in a war. The warzone was my college building. I remember being armed and unarmed at various stages of this dream. I saw myself taking on too many enemies at the same time. I could not tell who was a friend or foe. They all looked the same. So I kept killing them all with no remorse.

These enemies hid themselves at the corner of the staircases. I had to move deftly to spot them and kill them one by one. I remember this one sequence where I took a major risk and ran towards one enemy who had pointed his gun at me.

I was unarmed as I ran towards him and knew he only had to aim and shoot to kill me. But for some reason, I risked my life and kept running towards him while his weapon got stuck. We were involved in a struggle while he still had the gun pointed at me. I finally snatched the gun from his hand. I think I killed him too! :-D

For some reason, I kept attacking all these enemies, risking my own life everytime, refusing to back down. I remember being shot at in my leg twice but refusing to stop. Then I remember that there was this one particular enemy who was very difficult to capture. Like the ones in video games where you kill the harmless, smaller enemies before you move on to the final bad guy who is huge, armed and very difficult to kill.

In my case, it was some Mini-me (Austin Powers) kind of a midget. I tried very, very to capture him. We fought very hard. I remember giving him a clothesline! Sheesh! He kept throwing big rocks at me but I knew I just had to finish him off so I took the blows and refused to back down. We fought in the parking lot of the college building. Me and my aides caught him twice. But he escaped both times.

Then I remember waking up. How? It was the crackling sound of a newspaper falling on the floor!

Thursday, March 25, 2004


But the fact is... I have such a massive crush on Jennifer Aniston, that she'd be the last person I'd want as my sister!!! Eeew gross!!

My Celebrity Family by popstarprincess
Your Name
MomCalista Flockhart
DadTom Cruise
BrotherTrace Ayala
SisterJennifer Aniston
Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

Doesn't make sense...!

'...Love is sweet misery...'.

- Aerosmith, Cryin (Get A Grip)

I'm sad because I can't have her. She's happy because she wants it to be that way. (?) If she's happy, then I'm happy. So when she IS happy, I am happy too. But her source of happiness is my source of misery.

So technically, I am happy and miserable at the same time about the same thing.

Which is just not possible.

And I can't say something like Life Sucks because seeing my life from a 3rd person point of view, I'm just too, too, too fascinated by what I am going through. Hyuk hyuk hyuk! :-D

Well said, Aerosmith! I used to think those lyrics were meaningless. But when you actually go through a situation like that, it all makes sense all of a sudden!

Life... JUST BRING IT!!!

Wednesday, March 24, 2004


Took it from Abhinay's blog. I thought this was hilarious! :-D

Hema: hemant dont worry i did not read your postings on your blog i just left a message for u

Hema: hi abhi ya the match was cool. appa managed to scrape many years off his life. i was w

Hema: waiting for jesus christ to resurrect in front of our tv

Hema: considering the number of times appa called him

FYI, Hema Ma'am is Abhinay's mom and also my Economics teacher at school. Glad she still has that sense of humour! Hehe!

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

Pune & Back!

The Phase-II at SIMC was quite decent. Though it would be better not to point my finger at anything as yet. My attempts were quite satisfying. Let's just say that! The results come in 10 days and the wait would be interesting. The entire thing lasted 40 minutes spread over 7 hours. Quite pissed off though that the GD+PI (having a weightage of 50% in the evaluation) were given only 5 minutes each. Intriguing!

Lesson I learnt: In a GD, try and not to counter attack the most talkative speaker, especially when you're not the most talkative kind! I made that mistake!

After that was done, I helped myself to a quite plate of Chicken Biriyani which tasted heavenly. Well, when you haven't been hungry all month, ANYTHING would taste good! :-D Even caught up with 'Signs' the movie, which I thought I'd miss when in Pune. Luckily the hotel room had a TV.

Left for Mumbai next morning on a Volvo bus. By God, it's the biggest, the most luxurious bus I've ever been on. Not like the Indian types where you have to crouch all the way if you're tall! Was at my Aunt's place and also caught up with my 6 year old cousin Saadhika.

I'm all ears for a discussion of ideas with likeminded people. So we had a very prolonged intellectually stimulating conversation about various visual art forms. She prefers Miffy the Rabbit and Bob the Builder. I prefer Dexter's Lab and Looney Toons. Powerpuff Girls is where we agreed at. We even debated over why Wile E Coyote spends all the money trying to buy Acme products when he should just buy him some food! Unfortunately, the debate reached no conclusion. We agreed that absolutely ANYTHING can happen in cartoons!

Sunday, March 14, 2004


I post weird poetic stuff no one understands

why is YOUR livejournal annoying?
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PS: It's unbelievable how a stupid internet quiz can be true to the point of being eerie!!! Heh heh heh!

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

This and That

Anil says:

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

I say:

judging by the state of the world... yes

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

Chris Isaak - Wicked Games

The world was on fire

No one could save me but you.

Strange what desire will make foolish people do

I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you

And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

No, I don't want to fall in love

With you

What a wicked game you play

To make me feel this way

What a wicked thing to do

To let me dream of you

What a wicked thing to say

You never felt this way

What a wicked thing to do

To make me dream of you

And I don't wanna fall in love

With you

Sunday, March 07, 2004

Happy Holi!!!

Hum pe yeh kisne hara rang dala

Hum pe yeh kisne hara rang dala

Sala poora dress kharaab kar dala!

Thursday, March 04, 2004

Bush for Nobel Peace Prize!

Here's a guy who went to war with a hapless Asian country

over a pretext that he could not even justify.

Went to war inspite of global opposition. And reduced the UN's

madate to a joke! Thereby making a mockery of the very

reason the UN was formed for.

The result? Thousands of innocent people became the casualties

of this unfair war. Children died by the dozens. Women were raped.

Lives of thousands of soldiers are being wasted away. All for

some very, very diabolic reason.

And Bush gets nominated for a Nobel *PEACE* Prize

for that. SHOCKING!

Read BBC's Report on that.

Reject Nomination of Bush and Blair for Nobel Prize Petition. Looks like

a shady commercial website in search of emails ... but what the

heck! Sign it!